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Oh-Oh’ and X’s, How to Not watch Football!

February 27th, 2020 · No Comments

So much for Singing Ye Holiday Songs, as many out Thar in Americre’ were vainly Roasting Chestnuts instead, foaming over Colin Kaepernick’s Demise; Err NFL Tryout and whether or not the ex-San Francisco 49ers Quarterback torpedoed his final chance to perhaps, once again play professional Football, El Correctomundo?

Colin Kaepernick is the Black Grinch for those who Wish for A White America

As I was originally gonna title this riveting Sportyblog story Will Colin Kaepernick Steal Christmas? But Y’all know how Mr. Sporty runs a tight ship here, Chirp-Chirp, Bueller? Which is more than I can say for Nary a Peep ’bout Kaepernick being mentioned during the Super Bowl coverage, El Correctomundo?

And it’s funny how it seems so long ago when I tried so very little to follow the progress of those Seattle Seahawks playing at a Semi-frigid Lambeau Field vs. the Green Bay Packers in Thar Jan 12th NFC Divisional Playoff Game, since every time I tried Tunin-in’, Yep, Yuhs guessed it, Frillin’ Commercials!

As this immediately made me think of what NBC stands for: Nothing But Commercials! As I think it was ABC, nee Another Bad Commercial which began these Oh So Clever Denunciations, Eh? For which I’ve come up with the following for CBS = Commercials Being Shown, and FOX = Focused On Interruptions; Hut-Hut, Omaha!

Since every time after what felt like 5mins ‘O Commercial; URGH! Seattle was still behind by 11-points, so think I’ll cue up Good ‘Ol Dandy Don’s Turn Out Thee Lights Song!

Yet regarding My long Derided Tennessee Titans, Oh Henry, Baby! The first time I tried this vicarious Football Voyeurism’ Ye Titans were leading the New England Patriots 14-13 at Halftime and I couldn’t Stands’ It! So Off went Ye Telie’ and Viola, I was pleasantly surprised later that evening when listening to thou News via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service.

Then for the Titans next opponent, the No. 1 Seeded Baltimore Ravens, I didn’t even bother trying to check for a score, since surely; Hey Don’t Call Me Shirley; Hya! Uhm, certainly the Ravens would crush Tennessee. And then I simply broke out in Gynormous’ laughter when late at night I finally Dropped into my Newsline service to be Dumbfounded over the Titans Defeating the Ravens, Unbelievable!

Then against my better judgement, I decided to watch Tennessee against that Mighty Pigskin Team from Thee Other Kansas! Whale’ Otay, I watched up to the end of the third Quarter when it was quite apparent the Titans run was over. As I’d later tell Mr. Sporty’ when he asked me what happened to My Titans? I replied that Kansas City Beat ‘em at Thar own game, i.e.; Chiefs ran the Ball against them…

Hmm? Any pattern apparent here? Although I’m definitely not as Superstitious as some Diehard Nashvillians’ are; Hya! Like Ooh Dude, What’s That Smell?

The Silly Ritual of being Very Superstitious

And originally I wasn’t even planning upon Droppin in for this year’s Halftime Show, since I’m Definitely Not Thar Target Audience; Yikes!

Since the last super Bowl Halftime Show I cared ’bout watching; Err listening to was Lady Gaga’s excellent performance during Super Bowl LI in 2017, when unfortunately the Atlanta Hawks, Ah, Uhm, I meant Falcons Choked vs. Tom Thumbs’ Patriots; URGH!

But then the night before thou Big Game, Jeannie asked me, you are coming over to watch Super Bowl right? Uhm, Otay! Especially since I’ll get to have some more Lap-time’ with Pixie-the-Wonderdog; WUF-WUF!

And then when making lunch when there’s Football Ad Nausea All Day long… Hey, I can tune-in the Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl instead; Yeah, that’s Duh Ticket WUF-WUF!

Yet by shear accident, or was it Lady Luck? Meow-Meow? The Puppy Bowl Halftime Show featuring Felines Jennifer Purrlopez’ and KatSira’ was on, with the latter having a Wardrobe Malfunction - but The Show Must G-O On!

As the voice-over Announcer said it’s Clawsome; BOO, HISS, MEOW; Hya! Noting how Dem Kitties were really Clawing It Up, I KittyCatz’ Yuhs Not; GROAN! As that was All I could stand of that, Meow-Meow!

As it was a Rough Crowd, since Jonathan’s and Beverlee’s favourite NFL Team is those irascible San Fran 49ers, for which I’ve now come to Ah-callin’ Farty Whiners instead! As I was the only person rootin’ for Kansas City, and several times during the game, your Humble Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy was threatened He’d be Walking Home buster!

Yet the funniest part of the whole Super Bowl LIV game was how I totally missed how KC inexplicably took the lead before Toasting San Francisco! As we’d begun talking Turkey; Err Sports with The Boyz’, as Trae had won an Awesome Sports memorabilia package the evening before at the Crab Crack’s Charity’s Silent Auction.

As Trae was the winning bidder for a Combo-package that included a Framed Portland Trailblazers pennant signed by the entire 2019 Team, a University of Oregon Ducks Football signed by the Head Coach after their Rose Bowl victory, and a matching OSU Beavers Pigskin, also signed by its coach?

Plus four tickets to a Eugene Emeralds Baseball game, who I’ve just learned are the Chicago Cubs Class A Affiliate. Whilst cannot remember if Thar were more Sports tickets thrown in? And another Football signed by the entire Florence High School team.

As Jonathan announced to Mwah that the Chiefs had just scored a touchdown, making it 49ers 20, KC 17 in the 4th Quarter. But I was busy Kibitzing with Trae over Damian Lillard,
the only Trailblazers player’s name I currently know, Thanxs solely to Mr. Sporty having informed me ’bout him during my latest visit to Arizona…

As Trae said that was what he wanted most out of this package, Damion’s autograph - before telling me how he was currently going Off on a Scoring Streak of 50+ games.

And then outta the side ‘O my Noggin’; Err Ear, I heard Somme-thun’ about how KC’s Magic Man had thrown successfully against Uncle Sherm’, Huh? Boo Hoo-Hoo Richard Sherman!

As I said to Jonathan San Francisco should still have the ball. Nope we went Three ‘N Out; OMG! Touchdown Baby! As Patrick Mahomes lit up the 49ers and KC went ahead 24-20, HURRAH!

As I tried to make sure I wasn’t walking home by calmly saying that San Fran had loads of time to march down the field and score a winning TD; THUD! And then Beverlee was Yelling at Ye Telescreen that he was Out of Bounds when Kansas City romped down the Sideline for a Crushing 38yd TD! Before the replay clearly showed he wasn’t out of bounds; so Sorry! Chirp-Chirp, Crickets!

As it went very quiet and All I heard was ready to go home Touchdown Tommy? Which was fine with me since Kansas City had W-O-N! Whilst I haven’t heard a word from ‘Ol Chef C-Radd whom previously emailed Mwah ’bout how the Seahawks Choked vs. his Farty Whiners at Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field Wayback on Dec 29th…

While I wasn’t surprised One-iota’, it did make me Burst Out in spontaneous laughter when listening to The Guardian’s Sports Section later that evening.

Over what Thee Late Show’s Steven Cobert would later Deadpan It’s called the Show Me State since Yuhs need to show me where Kansas City is located in Missouri!

Trump Congratulates Wrong State for Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Win

And then the Hits just kept Ah-Comin’, when hearing the News ’bout how the Kansas City Coppers’ gave Chase to some Would-be Thief’s on the Super Bowl Parade route as a Warm-up Demonstration for many Chilly Bystanders; Aye Karumba!

Police Chase on Super Bowl Parade route

→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football · Uncategorized

Kobe Bryant Tragedy comes on Heels of LeBron Overtaking Him for Career Points…

January 30th, 2020 · No Comments

The phone rang Sunday afternoon, and the voice on the other end asked if I’d heard about Kobe Bryant? Oh, you mean about LeBron James passing him for third All-time NBA Career Points Scored? No, the Helicopter he was on with his Daughter and several others crashed in California and Killed everyone Aboard! To which I had not heard of before this inquiry.

NBA Great Kobe Bryant and Daughter among Nine Killed in Helicopter Crash near Los Angeles 

As I’d listened to the News late the night before via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service and the Reuters Sports section informing me that LeBron had just surpassed Kobe in a losing effort vs. the Philadelphia 76ers the night before Kobe’s Death. And even more ironically was hearing Kobe’s Tweeet Congratulating King James on surpassing him…

LeBron James Passes Kobe Bryant on NBA Career Scoring list


Thus, I decided to “Tune In” to Sean T. Pendergast’s “Stick ‘N Ball” Radio Talk Show on CBS Sports, which precedes my usual Sunday Night Radio Programme, The Speed Freaks, a Motorsports Show I prefer over the Ad Nausea Pro Sports Babble, to see what the Sports World was saying about Bryant’s Death?As Messer Pendergast’s comments made me think of many tangents regarding life in general and the effects that the Media has upon how we interpret the roles of Celebrities and how they impact our lives.

As Sean poignantly noted he gets it regarding how monumental of a Star and Sports Personality Kobe was, noting he makes his living by discussing Sports weekly and has a vested interest in how Superstars bring such raw emotions in people, ultimately as Entertainers who enable us to Escape reality for brief periods of time.

Sean also noted how the Media had done a pretty Piss Poor Job on reporting the tragedy accurately, making me think of ‘Ol Don Henley’s line ’bout “Get the Widow on the Set, the Bubble Headed Bleached Blonde can tell Yuhs ’bout the Plane Crash with a Gleam in Her eye, as All the Boys in the Newsroom got a Running Bet,” or Somme-thun’ close to that ’bout how easily we’re manipulated by the media, using tragedy to pull upon our emotional Heartstrings…

Now am I saying that Kobe, his daughter’s or the other seven Helicopter occupants Deaths aren’t tragic? Absolutely Not! But the Caller I enjoyed most on Pendergast’s Talk Show was the one that reminded us that there were seven other people onboard whom also perished and that we shouldn’t overlook their Deaths which are horrible for their respective families.

Later that evening, Crash Gladys of Speed Freaks pointed out how Kobe shouldn’t be Judged over his Affair he had, for which his wife Vanessa stuck by his side, although I tend to recall there was a $4 million dollar “Make-up” Diamond ring involved…

As Crash rightly pointed out that Nobody’s perfect, and unless you are, then Kobe’s life achievements shouldn’t be simply judged upon that lone incident.

Yet on the Flip-side, as I thought Thar was Somme-thun’ called Freedom of Speech in Americre” Which made me disturbed over the fact that a Female Washington Post Reporter was suspended, being placed on Administrative Leave upon having the audacity to Tweet a link to a 2016 story regarding Kobe’s past Alleged Sexual Misconduct. Since it was putting the Newspaper in a Bad light; OMG!

How Dare a Woman point out Kobe’s past indiscretion, and what happened to the Freedom to express ourselves publicly via TWIT-ER’ if we so choose to do so? I mean like why isn’t The President being placed on Administrative Leave for his weekly Bombastic Tweets; Oh Never Mind!

Washington Post reinstates Reporter after Kobe Bryant Alleged Rape Tweet


As I was never a Fan of Kobe’s, nor the Lakers, since I was a Died in the Wool Seattle Supersonics Fan, and suppose I still am, since I’ve got a Super Sonics garbage can sitting in my Office as I type this from my somewhat still new Oregon residence. Having spent countless hours chanting LA SUCKS! Primarily against the Lakers, but nowadays vs. the LA Galaxy instead…Hence, if I did have a Twitter account and was so inclined? Would I have been in Poor Taste for tweeting that LA SUCKS following Kobe’s Death? For which I wouldn’t have done since it wouldn’t have been appropriate, but still, if I’d wanted to?

And what makes Bryant’s Death so tragic? Or more succinctly, more tragic than any other person’s Death? As I’m more sad over his 13 year old daughter’s death then the NBA Basketball legend’s, and felt zero emotion over this tragedy, especially since I Don’t follow Stick ‘N Ball Sports Fanatically a laa much of tis’ Nation does.

And I haven’t grieved over an Athlete’s Death in nearly five years now, when my former Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Justin Wilson was tragically injured at Pocono Raceway in an IndyCar race on August 23rd,and Died the following day from Head Injury on August 24, 2015 at Age 37.

Justin Wilson: 1978-2015


Thus my point is that Not everybody lives and breathes the world of Sports the same way obviously, and while it’s sad to hear of this unexpected tragedy, we should still be able to talk about said Sports Personality’s past transgressions if so desired, shouldn’t we? After All, aren’t they Role Models? As what say’s Ye Charles Barkley?Meanwhile, in another sign of how Mainstream Media continuously Manipulates us, late Sunday evening, the Speed Freaks pointed out how the Grammy Awards which ironically were being held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, home of the LA Lakers had given an outpouring of public condolences for Kobe Bryant.

Yet when they were acknowledging important people to Die over the past year, they majorly Snubbed Neil Peart, the prodigious Rock ‘N Roll Drummer of Hall of Fame band Rush! Who Died on Jan 7th.

But you say C’mon Touchdown Tommy, he was a KuhNuck! So who cares, Eh? Well the irony to that is that he actually was a Santa Monica, CA resident, where his wife hailed from, which I believe it’s in the same state, El Correctomundo?

As Kudos to the Drummer of the Heavy Metal Band Tool for paying tribute to Neil Peart during his Grammy Award acceptance speech, which reportedly this was the only mention of the percussionist who was ranked the fourth Greatest Drummer ever by Rolling Stone magazine! During the entire show’s presentation, so Smooth Move Grammys!

The Tomaso Files: Prodigious Drummer Pounds His Drum Kit No More

→ No CommentsTags: major news · Misc · NBA Basketball · Uncategorized

SoccerClaus’ comes to Century Link Field early!

January 11th, 2020 · No Comments

Although apparently Mr. Sporty, Thy Blogmeister’ of this Award Winning Site; Hya! Has apparently been Checking His List Twice? And has Definitely been Naughty for Not Posting my previous Sportyblog story forever, which caused this Juan’ to show up late in Mister Sporty’s Stocking! Whilst No Idea if ‘Ol St Nick will bring the Seahawks any Super Bowl presents? Besides Marshawn…

Otay Sports Fans, your El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy will admit taking a lengthy Hiatus from paying full Attenzione to what will forever be my Major League Soccer’s (MLS) Home Team, the Seattle Sounders FC, albeit moving to thoust State ‘O Ye Dreaded Portland Timbers definitely gots in Duh Way; But I Digress…

Since I still cling to fleeting memories of being a wee lad watching the original North American Soccer League’s (NASL) incarnation at Memorial Stadium at Seattle Center in the Mid-1970’s, before their return as an Expansion MLS Franchise a Decade ago.

El Soundero!

As the last MLS match I attended was Wayback in thou summer of 2018, as sorry Bryan Adams, but it was 2018, not ‘69; Bad Pun; Take Off, Eh? When I attended my first ever Sounders FC vs. Portland Timbers match, ironically Unawares’ I’d soon be moving to Oregon.Not to mention being at the public introduction to the feverish Rave Green Fans of Ultra Bad Arse Striker R-Squared’, nee Raul Ruidiaz, who appropriately wears the No. 9 jersey! Since Casey Jones Definitely Can’t Slow that Peruvian Scoring Machine Down; Hya! Although apparently some other Stick ‘N Ball Star tried, as he was gobbling up the Nation’s Newswires with his move to La-La Land.

The Day LeBron tried to Upstage Soccer

Alas, I just didn’t really have any deep interest in following Seattle’s MLS regular season this year, especially after the Shock, Sudden Decision of one of Seattle’s Baddest Players and Team Pillar Chad Marshall having to reluctantly Retire due to chronic knee injury.Hence, I didn’t watch; Err listen, since your aging Sportyblog Word Hack’ Touchdown Tommy is Blind! To My first entire Sounders FC match until the MLS Playoffs began at Home vs. those pesky Upstarts from Thee Lonestar State, and was captivated to follow Seattle until it’s Playoff run ended.

As Y’all may know? The Seattle Sounders FC began this year’s MLS Cup Playoffs run on Saturday, October 19th as the Western Conference’s No. 2 Seed, ensuring Seattle Home-field Advantage thru the Semi Final match.

Apparently Dipping into Thy Wayback Machine, I spent the entirety of Seattle’s first round vs. FC Dallas perplexed over who this Brad Smith character was? Especially since he was playing Defense, and I know there was another Brad Somebody who once played Defense for us?

As I Don’t think it was until Round-2 vs. Real Salt Lake (RSL) that I began saying to myself Brad Jones? Jovan Jones, Brad Jones; tomato, tuh-mottoe, Huh?

Before I finally had to dig into my Unofficial Sportyblog Archives to discern it was former Sounders FC Captain Brad Evans I was thinking of!

As Smith, who’s from Down Under Mates! Is currently on loan to Seattle from the English Premiere League’s AFC Bournemouth thru the end of the year, Is a far superior Defender than Evans turned out to be late in his career, after trying to convert from being a Midfielder. Which is probably why I’ve blocked his name out of Ye memory banks; But I Digress further…

As it was a Nail-biting Donnybrook in “The Jet City” at Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field as Seattle romped off to an early Two-Nil (2-0) lead. Only to see the upstart, youthful FC Dallas Silence the Seattle Crowd by tying the match 2-2.

Then the Sounders went ahead 3-2 before once again Dallas Shocked Seattle with its resilience by once again tying the game 3-3, necessitating 30mins Overtime, in two 15min periods.

As the first 15mins drew to a close with the score still tied, it wasn’t until the 113th minute, when the “Rave Green’s” Jordan Morris, who’d previously been lying on the pitch due to muscle cramps Headed his third goal of the match into the back of the net to give the sounders FC a 4-3 victory in a virtual Slugfest! As it was Morris’s first MLS Career Hat Trick.

In the second MLS Playoffs round at Century Link Field, October 23rd, Seattle Hosted Real Salt Lake, with the game seeing little scoring opportunity, until an unlikely scorer broke the game wide open.

As Gustav Svensson scored his first goal in 366 Days! When he Headed home the game’s first goal in the 64th minute to give Seattle a One-Nil (1-0) lead. Then Nicolás Lodeiro sent the Rave Green into Bedlam when smashing home his shot late in the game to give the Sounders a commanding Two-Nil lead! Which would end up being the Match’s final score.

The win meant Seattle would have to travel to Los Angeles to play the league’s No. 1 Overall team, winners of the 2019 Supporter’s Shield, LA FC. Which Nobody outside Seattle expected the Sounders to win. With Odds-makers giving LA 6-1 Odds upon winning; OUCH!

Adding further intrigue, Xavier Arreaga, the leagues “Golden Boot” winner for scoring most Goals during the regular season was kept scoreless during the match., Me Thinks?

Since in our never ending 24/7 News Cycle Assault upon our Senses, I’ll admit I’ve already forgotten most of the game’s details, albeit wondering who this Taylor Dude was?

As I was quite annoyed by him telling Raúl Ruidíaz to take a Bow after scoring the go ahead goal in the games first half, decrying out loud; WTF! Saying C’mon Seattle, we need another goal for insurance!

Turns out it was Taylor Twellman.

As Twellman stated how Ruidiaz had landed at LAX looking like a Stone Cold Killer! Kitted out All in Black; Hmm, Men in Black; Oh Never Mind! With Taylor noting how Raul was wearing pressed, creased black jeans, black shirt and black studded ear-rings, and was definitely making a statement!

And Ruidiaz was definitely the MVP of the LAFC v Sounders FC match, which saw Los Angeles leaving the pitch in utter amazement after being Defeated 3-1 at Home! Thanxs in large part to Ruidiaz’s two goals, after Seattle had found itself behind 1-0 in just the 17th minute of the game.

Seattle Stuns Los Angeles FC to Claim MLS Cup Playoff Berth


Then Toronto FC gave us Delirious Rave Green Fans our early Christmas Gift of Hosting our first ever MLS Cup Finals appearance at Home by Defeating the reigning MLS Cup Champions Atlanta United!Interestingly, Seattle retains six players from the winning 2016 MLS Cup effort played in Toronto: Stefan Frei, Jordan Morris, Nicolás Lodeiro, Cristian Roldan and Román Torres, who scored the winning goal in the MLS Cup Shootout.

Along with Joevin Jones who returned Just-in-Time this year, after playing for Seattle during 2016-17 came Home to Thee Jet City, rejoining the Sounders FC Fold after playing in Germany.

Then Seattle added Gustav Svensson, Victor Rodriguez and Kelvin Leerdam to its 2017 roster, giving Seattle a mass of Cup Hardened players for this year’s Rubber Match.

Thus I eagerly awaited the MLS Cup Final at Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field, where the Rave Green set the Stadium’s new Attendance Record at 69,274! With tickets having Sold Out in less than an hour!

As the Home Team seemed a little Awe Struck over Thar Adoring, Fevered ‘N Ravenous Fans trying to propel them to victory. And got off to a slow start.

And with the game knotted Nil-Nil, Goose Eggs or 0-0, I was getting increasingly Pissed Off with ABC’s lead Analyst Taylor Twellman during the first half of the Match. As he kept piling on ’bout how Toronto was the better team. Repeatedly saying Seattle’s on the Ropes! And Mocking Christian Roldan for looking like he’d played 85mins  round the 40mins  mark.

As I kept saying All thru Halftime, C’mon Seattle, I want it to be Three-Nil! Especially since the ABC/ESPN Announce Crew seemed very Pro-Toronto/East Coast!

Then Seattle got On-track when Kelvin Leerdam was credited with scoring the Sounders first goal in the 57th minute.

Albeit Leerdam’s shot appeared going wide before allegedly being deflected by the Hapless Justin Morrow into the Net. Since Morrow was the same Toronto FC player who missed  his penalty shot (PK) in 2016 before Torres scored for Seattle’s MLS Cup Upset in 2016.

then in the 76th minute Victor Rodriquez made it Two-Nil (2-0( in Seattle’s favour, before Double R’, aka Raul Ruidiaz put an exclamation mark upon the game, with his score in the 90th minute to send the raucous Rave Green into Delirium! Being ahead 3-0 before Toronto’s Jozy Altidore scored a goal in stoppage-time, basically a “Garbage” score since Seattle had sealed it’s magnificent victory!

Thus it was Funny listening to ‘Ol Casey Kellar, Seattle’s original Goal Keeper and now Talking Head; Err Colour Commentator going back ‘N forth with some Dude named Alessandro Somme-thun-ruther? Over Seattle’s magnificent victory! As this Dude went on ‘N on ’bout how Toronto was the better team, especially thru the first 60mins;

Blah-BLAHITY-blah! To which Kellar retorted how many times does a team get to win on its home pitch, Eh?


2019 MLS Cup Player Ratings: Torres, Ruidiaz Shine Bright in Seattle Sounders victory

→ No CommentsTags: soccer · Misc · NBA Basketball · Uncategorized

Will the Real NFL contendahs’ Please Rise…

December 25th, 2019 · No Comments

Typically, your El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy Doesn’t begin paying mild Attenzione to Football until after the Formula 1 season ends. As Y’all know what Formula 1 is, El Correctomundo?

Yet traveling to The Valley of The Sun for a rare visit this November, I was inundated with my first four weekly NFL Games during the season’s Week 11 matches, having forgotten ’bout Thursday Night Football when booking my Aeroplane ticket.

Although I elected to go to Beddy-bye’ at the end of the third Quarter of some Pittsburg Steelers vs. Cleveland Brownds game! Uhm, did Somme-thun’ happen with 8 seconds remaining?

Then began Sunday by watching in agony the Arizona Cardinals lose to the Dastardly 40Whiners’, BOO! And a riveting Sunday Night Drops Alot between Duh Bears vs. LA Rams. Which thankfully the Rams won 17-7.

Before another riveting NFL Monday Night Football game from Mexico City, which nobody seemed to want to win, since ESPN Announcer Booger McFarland said he’s had to make that walk to the Locker Room before, when noting the effects of the Thin Air, which Me Thinks was also circulating in the Commentary Booth!

Before the hobbled KC Chiefs Majik’ Man Patrick Mahomes Squad prevailed 24-17 over the Los Angeles Chargers, after “Old Man Rivers” threw four INT’s.

Thus prior to Week 13’s Turkey-Lurkey Festivities, with Not One, Not Two, but Three Freakin’ Football games to Round Out the riveting Dinner table conversations; Hut-Hut, Omaha!

Whilst Not even knowing that my Beloved Tennessee Titans, to which is always immediately followed by a loud chorus of WHO? Or Deafening laughter, still had a chance to win it’s AFC South Division, Huh?

Thus very Un-scientifically, of the National Football League 32 Franchises chasing Top Playoff positions, these Teams caught my Attention for the league’s 12 Playoff Berths, i.e.; Each Division Champion plus two Divisional Wildcard entries apiece.

In the National Football Conference, (NFC) those Dreaded Forty Whiners’, or as Randy’s just corrected Mwah, saying it’s pronounced FartyWhinerz! Err, the San Francisco 49ers stayed atop at 10-1, after that riveting Sunday Night Romp over the visiting Green Bay Packers 37-8, YAWN! Which dropped the Packers to 8-3, tied with the Minnesota Vikings (8-3) for which CBS Sports then gave the Vikings the NFC North Crown. While who cares ’bout Americres’ Team, Eh?

NFL Week 13 Playoff Predictions: Minnesota Steals NFC North from Packers. Dallas Hangs-on Over Eagles for NFC East

As the NFL Flexed its Musskles’ by Dumping the original Week 12 Sunday Night TV Broadcast of my Home-team Seattle Seahawks at Philadelphia, in favour of that Blowout in The Bay. As Seattle held off the Eagles to win 17-9 and move to 9-2 in their NFC West Division race against those FartyWhinerz’, whose lone loss to date was at the hands of Seattle 27-24 in OT at Levi Stadium; Yeah Baby!

While surely the NFL’s salivating over a potential NFC West Division Title Showdown between Seattle and San Fran’, when the 49ers travel to Seattle on Week 17. (December 29th)

While the NFC South currently sees Nawlins’, aka the New Orleans Saints Marchin’ On-to another Division Title, with a record of 9-2. With the Dallas Cowboys then leading the NFC East 6-5, one game ahead of Division rival Philadelphia at 5-6.

In the American Football Conference, (AFC) Thom Thumb, Uh, Tom Brady’s been crying Crocodile Tears ’bout hose royal Pain in thoust Keister Patriots were 10-1, and predicted to be the Conference’s Top Club overall at 14-2, as winners of the AFC East.

With New England’s lone Defeat, as of Week 12 being to the rival Baltimore Ravens, who were 9-2 following their rout of the LA Rams 45-6! With CBS Sports predicting Baltimore to finish 13-3 as Champions of the AFC North.

Whilst the AFC “Sleeper” Team has to be the Buffalo Bills, quietly gliding along at 8-3 prior to their Week 13 matchup vs. the Dallas Cowboys at Arlington Stadium on Turkey Day. Although the Bills have a tough remaining schedule, including an upcoming game vs. Baltimore. Not to mention it’s Week 16 Showdown vs. New England.

But Hey! How ’bout them Bills? Winning in Dallas on Thanksgiving, Defeating the Cowboys for the first time on Turkey-Lurkey Day since Uhm, Gulp! 1975?

Oops, think it was the Bills first appearance on Thanksgiving Day since ‘75 and first time to Defeat Dallas since 1992? But I’ll let Y’all look it up instead.

Meanwhile, the AFC’s South and West Divisions were led by the Houston Texans and Kansas City Chiefs respectively, both then with records of 7-4. With the Texans being chased by the Indianapolis Colts and Titans, both at 6-5 prior to their game at Lucas Oil Stadium Dec 1st.

And the Chiefs were just one game ahead of the Oakland Raiders, then 6-5, albeit I Don’t expect the Raiders to make the Playoffs, but what do I know?

Yet I’ve just got two words for the NFL, Fuck You! As I eagerly awaited listening to The Voice of The Seattle Seahawks Steve “Holy Catfish” Raible Bellow his signature “Touchdown Seahawks” for the Monday Night showdown at Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field vs. the Vikings via KIRO 97.3FM via the Internet, since naturally, I cannot “Tune In” Tacoma from Oregon on my ‘lil transistor radio.

Hell, I can barely tune-in Eugene, just an hour and a half away for multiple days at a time due to the persistently thick cloud cover, 100% Humidity or Uber Bright Sunshine; But I Digress…

But No! The Website continuously said We’re Sorry, It appears the Stream’s Not Available! As it was being Blocked Arse-sumedly’ due to being a nationally televised game? SHEISA!

Alas, I listened to the Anemic ESPN Talking Heads instead via my Telescreen, and got pretty annoyed with Booger repeatedly mentioning how it was Big Boys Time, every time somebody got near the end zone.., Uh Duh!

So way to go NFL! Thanks for Curbing my Appetite for your Football games! Although I did have to sit thru the final 2:38+ of the FartyWhinerz’ vs. N’walins’ game, which CRAP! The 49ers won a ridiculous 48-46 Shootout in New Orleans, and now sit atop the NFC at 11-2, taking the 1st Seed away from the Saints, who fall to No. 2 at 10-3, but have clinched the NFC South title.

Meanwhile, the Seahawks, who’d vaulted to the top of the NFC West last week with their victory over Minnesota, apparently fell flat upon their Keesters in La-La Land, for which I elected to listen to another CD Audiobook instead. Which appropriately is about Cornelius Vanderbilt, Americres’ first Tycoon, who grasped the concept of the Almighty Corporation, which the NFL should thank him for, Righto?

And now with the Hawks at 10-3, they presumably fall to the 5th Seed in the NFC Playoffs race; Aye Karumba!

Yet I still say that the Hawks will emerge victorious in week 17’s Showdown in Thee Jet City and Win the NFC West Division Crown over Uncle Sherm’, Jimmy Ghirbelli and San Fran!

Green Bay retakes it’s lead in the NFC North Division at 10-3, just one game ahead of Minnesota at 9-4. While won’t even discuss the absolutely pathetic NFC East’s Division Scrum.

Over towards thou Atlantic, the Baltimore Ravens continued Thar March Atop the AFC by Defeating Buffalo 24-17, whilst Boo Hoo, Poor Tommy Turd-riffic’ and his Pats lost to KC at Home! As the Ravens vault to the No. 1 Seed Overall at 11-2, and are the first to clinch a Playoff Berth in their Conference.

New England falls to 10-3. And Buffalo drops to 9-4, just one game behind the AFC East Division leading Patriots, but continues its grasp upon the first Wildcard Playoff seed. With Pittsburg, Houston and Tennessee, Yeah that’s right! My Titans are in the Hunt, with all three of those teams having 8-5 records.

Whilst the Texans and Titans have yet to play their two regular season games, which undoubtedly will decide who wins the AFC South Division! With Kansas City having won the AFC West Crown, now at 9-4…

→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football

Major League Soccer’s New 2019 Playoff Format A Success

November 15th, 2019 · No Comments

As gone is the maddening two-game Away Goals Aggregate Matches, replaced by traditional Single Game Elimination, a la good ‘Ol NFL Football. With the league’s top-14 MLS Squads making the Playoffs.

As FC Cincinnati joined the fracas this year as the newest MLS Expansion Football Club, (FC) Err Squad, Uhm team, bringing the league’s total to 24 Franchises this year.

Whilst thou league will continue growing to an odd number of 29 MLS Franchises and counting by 2022. As Sacramento has just been awarded the leagues latest expansion team Franchise.

With David Beckham’s Inter Miami CF and Nashville FC set to commence play next year. Followed by Austin FC in 2021 and then the Sacramento Republic FC and St Louis in 2022. With a 30th MLS Franchise to be named later.

Sacramento awarded latest MLS Expansion Team Franchise

But back to this year’s MLS Playoffs, which by my reckoning, Thar were two first time MLS Playoff Debutantes, the New York City Football Club and Minnesota United FC.The Top-2 No. 1 Seeds, aka New York City FC and Los Angeles FC both got First round byes due to winning their respective Division, i.e.; New York Eastern and LA FC Western respectively.

The remaining 12 Teams saw the Higher Seeded Clubs Hosting Playoff Matches. Whilst I believe I also heard that the Top two teams were ensured of Home-field advantage thru the Semi-finals.

Also Arse-sumin’ that Los Angeles FC which won the league’s Supporters Shield for the Best Regular Season record, will have Home Field advantage throughout the entire playoffs, including the MLS Cup if they advance to the Finals. With the first round of Playoffs beginning Saturday, October 19th.

In the Western Division (No. 2 Seed) Seattle sounders FC played an epic Scrum vs. No. 7 FC Dallas. RSL, aka Real Salt Lake (No. 3) Hosted those pesky Portland Timbers. (No. 6) And the Upstart Minnesota United (No. 4)
held their inaugural Playoff Match at their brand new Allianz Field Stadium vs. the Dreaded Los Angeles Galaxy, (No. 5) as the Sunday evening’s First round Nightcap.

The Eastern Division saw (No. 2 Seed) Atlanta United FC, the reigning Major League Soccer Champions Hosting (No. 7)
New England Revolution. While (No. 3) Philadelphia Union Hosted (No. 6) New York Red Bulls. And (No. 4) Toronto FC Hosted (No. 5) DC United.

Toronto sent Wayne Rooney packing back Across thou Puddle with an epic 5-1 rout in Overtime, after the game had ended knotted 1-1. while Atlanta methodically Beat New England One-Nil. (1-0)

The Seattle Sounders had to work for their first matches victory, Defeating the upstart FC Dallas squad 4-3 in Overtime.

Whilst RSL Defeated Portland 2-1 Saturday Night, eliminating the Sounders Arch Nemesis, Cascadian Cup foe and last year’s MLS Cup runner-ups, albeit nobody remembers the losers, Righto?

Sunday’s early game saw the Philadelphia Union dispatched the New York Red Bulls 4-3 in Overtime, after falling behind early Two-Nil, (2-0( before securing the Franchise’s first ever Playoff victory.

Union make Big Step with Elusive First-ever MLS Playoff Win in Wild Comeback vs. Red Bulls 

Meanwhile, Minnesota’s post season party was short lived, with Zlatan Ibrahimović & Co. beating the Playoff Debutantes 2-1 on the Road.

As the No. 1 Seed) NYC FC awaited the playing of their first match against the visiting Toronto FC, the 2017 MLS Champions Wednesday, October 23rd. While it was right back to work for Seattle, hosting RSL in The Emerald City,” three days after their OT Victory.

On the West Coast, the No. 1 Seed Los Angeles FC, coached by former U.S. Mens National Team Head Coach Bob Bradly awaited the arrival of cross-town rivals, LA Galaxy Thursday, October 24th. With Atlanta hosting Philadelphia.

As the first upset occurred when visiting Toronto upset the Eastern Conference’s Number 1 seeded New York FC 2-1, while Atlanta marched on with a “Clean Sheet” Two-Nil win vs. the Philadelphia Union.

In what arguably looked like the Seattle’s final match in front of its feverish Rave Green Fans, the Sounders sent Real Salt Lake packing with its own Clean Sheet W’, also by the score 2-0.

Yet the most anticipated match had to be what’s been deemed El Trafico’, which I turned on just-in-time to hear the Host Los Angeles FC Head Coach Bob Bradley lamenting how he wasn’t happy giving up a goal just before Halftime, with the score being 2-1.

But I just couldn’t bear the thought of watching the Galaxy’s Imperious Footballer Ibrahimović, which suppose I should have. Since Zlatan apparently led his team back to a 3-3 tie before LA FC won decisively in OT by the score of 5-3! With rumours suggesting that it most likely was Ibrahimović’s final MLS game.

Zlatan Confirms Spain as Next Stop


Thus the two MLS Cup Semi-finals saw Atlanta hosting Toronto in a battle of the leagues latest two champions. While Seattle flew to La-La Land to take on the Red Hot Los Angeles FC in Carson, California.

As Dare the Rave Green and more importantly the Sounders FC think of Hosting this year’s Major League Soccer Cup on its home pitch Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field if Thar Northern Rivals Toronto could Defeat the reigning MLS Cup champions Atlanta United FC?

But first Seattle would need to do what everybody in Sportsland didn’t give them the briefest ‘O chances of doing, Defeating the LA Football Club, which Y’all know how this Fairy tale scenario worked out, El Correctomundo?

As indeed, Seattle Stunned LA with a Mega’ 3-1 upset, and then the following night Toronto audaciously Defeated Atlanta 2-1!

And then it was Cup time Baby! As Seattle’s Century Link Field Sold Out it’s Stadium in just over One hour when tickets went on sell for the rubber match between Seattle and Toronto. With an estimated crowd of 70,000 Stark Raving Mad Football Fans attending!

As the Sounders Stunned Toronto on Thar Home pitch with a PK’ (Penalty Kicks) Shootout victory in 2016, before losing to Toronto in the following year’s Cup final held once again at Toronto’s BOM Field…

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