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A True Pacific Northwest Madman?

February 15th, 2018 · No Comments

If you’re one of the few, the Brave… Who read’s these meandering Sportyblog stories, then Y’all know that your El Senor Scribe Touchdown Tommy went Cold Turkey upon this year’s Super Bowl LII. Or in “New Money,” as Formula 1 Pundit Steve Matchett would say: 52; as New Money’s European Slang verbiage.

Instead I just watched; Err listened to the first 10mins of the Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl XIV, which I think we all can figure out equals 14, Righto? Since just couldn’t discern how much of that Puppy Luv I could handle; Hya!

Although I’ll admit it was a Wee bit tough not checking thou score via my telephone hotline, but I simply didn’t want to know, especially since those Dastardly Patriots were Thar once again; BARF!

A few weeks before, or may be it was the week before? I swear I heard the comment via The Seattle Times that Doug Pederson, Head Coach of the Philadelphia Eagles was the first coach from Washington to go to the Super Bowl.

Which naturally, now afterwards, having spent at least an hour’s time searching Al Gore’s wondrous invention, thee Internetz’; Hooah! Naturally I cannot find the story or the quote, but bizarrely I found that a story which makes NO sense seems to typically come up first when I query is Doug Pederson from Washington?

Super Bowl 2018 Secret: Doug Pederson is actually Don Draper’s youngest son from Mad Men’

Having never watched this Madmen TV Show, which I don’t know if it’s even still on the Airwaves? I’m quite Cornfuzed over who this Donald Draper character is?

And even more confused over this alleged five year age gap in the young Messer Pederson’s so called background. As say it isn’t so? Is this some of that Fake News that’s sweeping thou Nation?

Philadelphia Eagles coach Doug Pederson is the pride of Ferndale right now

But it’s pretty funny to Mwah, as I’ve just learned probably more ’bout the Eagles Head Coach Doug Pederson than I was planning to; cymbol Crash please!

As he was indeed born in Bellingham, Washington, and just gave himself, family ‘N friends his bestest Birthday present ever! As he reportedly just became the B-I-G’ 5-OH! January 31st.

Doug Pederson played QB for Ferndale High School for three seasons, beginning in his Sophomore year, and reportedly compiled a 24-6 record while at the controls of the Golden eagles.

Then he played Quarterback for Louisiana-Monroe in College before becoming a Backup QB to such luminaries as Brett “Polaroid” Favre and Dan Marino. Even winning a ring as Favre’s Clipboard holder in Super Bowl XXXI in ‘97! Ironically, when the Green Bay Packers defeated the New England Patriots.

Although No idea if Tom Brady was the Pat’s starting QB Wayback then? Hya!

Then, as I sat listening to another countless CD Audiobook, the sounds ‘O multiple Conchs shells Ah-blowin’; Err, a cacophony of BOOM-BOOM Fireworks erupted outside around 7:22PM Pacific, for which I knew meant Duh Game was over! Now all I needed to do was find out if the right team had won?

And instead of simply checking my telephone Hotline’s NFL Scores section, I called a good friend in Oregon, for which I even overlook some of their feverish Oregon Ducks obsession! along with their allegiance to the 40WHINERZ! (San Francisco 49ers)

As I was thoroughly delighted to hear that, what All of the nation already knew. That the right team had won!

As my friend Jeannie extolled, if I could have only seen the look upon ‘lil Terrible Tommy’s face! After Brady had fumbled, ultimately losing the game!

Having since learned that the Philadelphia Eagles winning score was actually a lot closer then it sounded when I heard 41-33. As Philly’s Nick Foles reportedly scored the go-ahead TD with just 2:21 remaining!

As there’s so many good things ’bout the Eagles victory, including “Breaking their Duck!” Of having gone winless in their previous Super Bowl appearances, and finally winning their first Lombardi trophy since 1960!

Whilst those adorable puppy dogs of Team Ruff ‘n Fluff were once again playing for the LamBarkie trophy instead; Wuf-wuf!

While it’s also great that Nick Foles, who was the team’s Backup QB until Carson Wentz went down with a torn ACL (and LCL) in Week 14 of the regular season, not only won in his first Super Bowl start, but was also named the game’s MVP.

As much has been made of Philadelphia’s attention to detail, including Foles catching his one pass, which was for a touchdown No less! While Tom Brady was Butterfingers!

And lastly, as I was unawares’, but thanks to “Mr. Sporty,” for which I randomly dribble out these Sportyblog posts for Y’all. I had NO idea that Foles went to U of A, formally known as University of Arizona, and was a Wildcat’s QB for three years: 2009-11, after having transferred from Michigan.

Then ironically being taken in the 2012 NFL Draft’s third round by the Eagles, before returning for his second stint in Philly last year…

→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football

TwitterDumb: Two Politicians enter the Arena of Twisted Tweets. None Walk Out the Wiser…

February 15th, 2018 · No Comments

Yeah, that’s kind of like one of those Two Men Walk Into a Bar Jokes… Except this time it AIN’T Funny! Albeit I’m not surprised by thee leading Buffoon merrily tweeting away his visceral nothingness! whilst the other’s a No-Name wanna-be Representative from Indiana…

Doyel: Edwin Jackson’s death is a tragedy, not a political opportunity for Trump

Presumably, by now Y’all have heard of the tragedy befalling the Indianapolis Colts Linebacker Edwin “Pound Cake” Jackson, whom along with his Uber driver Jeffrey Monroe were both killed by a Drunk Driver the night of Super Bowl LII, or 52 for All of us Roman numerically challenged…

While the tragedy in Indianapolis is horrible, I found Indianapolis Star columnist Gregg Doyel’s article upon the tragedy of the two men very refreshing, as Doyel correctly points out that Jackson was a person, who at age 26 is GONE! And isn’t a Tool for somebody’s Political Madness!

As how long will we have to hear this ceaseless rhetoric? Like seriously Donald, who’s gonna clean all of your Hotel’s bathrooms and make their beds? Keep your Golf Greens tidy and wash your Dishes…

And how come NOT one iota’s been mentioned about the unheralded Uber driver Jeffrey Monroe? Or as Doyel correctly points out, All of the other unnamed people killed by Drunk Drivers every day!

And although I’m not exactly a fan of the Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay’s, for once I have to applaud him, and the Colts organization for standing behind one of its players, and doing the Right Thing… Especially for somebody struck Down in the Prime of their life. along with his hapless Chauffer who also have miles to go…

Jim Irsay to pay for Edwin Jackson, Jeffrey Monroe’s funerals after tragedy

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Super Bowl, The Booty-ful’

February 9th, 2018 · No Comments

Let Freedom, Err Football Ring…

Ah, another season ‘O Americres’ Game’s Dusted ‘N Done; Yeehaw! As I found the following weather story relating to Pigskin’s Coldest Game ever, well timed for playing in “Mini Ha-Ha!” Err Minn-Uh-Sote-ah, Yah Sure Yuhs Betcha!

Yuhs know, in a different era, presumably before the advent ‘O Salary Cap’s et al. When Football players were just real honest-to-goodness Football players who didn’t give a Rat’s Patooey ’bout Thar Twitter Account Blowing U-P! Or what their social media was doing…

The day the quarterback’s cool head settled NFL’s coldest contest

As I’m not really sure what’s worse? How NBC devoted a total of 9.25hrs Sunday televising Super Bowl LII, Or that “Detroit’s Big-3,” aka General Motors, Ford and Chrysler, Uhm Fiat-Chrysler NV all deferred from running any advertisements during the game, for which reputedly a 30-second commercial spot cost a cool $5m, as in million this year!

Whale’, Otay, GM definitely didn’t do any super Bowl commercials, nor Ford, who instead opted to pull Fans around Minneapolis’s Downtown in Dumptruck-like Sleigh contractions with Thar Built Ford Tough PickemUp’ Trucks; Yeehaw!

whilst Fiat Chrysler once again ran another controversial advertisement extolling thou virtues of its Dodge Ram “tough” pickup trucks, this time having the late Dr. Martin Luther King being the Pitchman…

The NFL stood by African American players … until its money was threatened

Yeah, Y’all knew that was Uh-coming’, Righto? As the 2017-18 NFL season will forever be indelibly linked with Colin Kaepernick and thou wrath of some Stumblin’, Bumblin’ and definitely Fumblin’ White Man whose favourite form of social interaction is TWIT-ER!

As just think, Thars’ five hours ‘O Pre-game Hyperbole to bluster ’bout. Then four hours to play duh game, including some sappy Halftime entertainment, where rumour has it Justin Timberlake will have a Wardrobe Malfunction; Hut-Hut! And lastly, and I Don’t get it, but a whopping 15mins post-game wrap-up show…

While surely Roger The Mighty Good Ship; Err Goodell will be doing his usual soft shoe toe tappin’ back-pedaling Tap Dance… Especially now since he’s gotten his final-final contract extension signed, and instead can focus upon the issues of the game and it’s players instead…

Lure of Cash and Fame leaves Sport caught in Concussion’s Moral maze

Sheez! And I haven’t even spoken ’bout the game, Y’all know Puppy Bowl XIV, Wuf-Wuf! As this year’s Puppy Bowl, in the brand new bone Shaped Arena, once again featured Team Ruff vs. Team Fluff! Along with rescued Barn Animals as the Cheerleaders, including fluffy, adorable Bunny Wabbits!

Not to mention the return of the Puppy Bowl Blimp after a three year hiatus, being piloted by high flyin’ Hamsters! And a Cockatoo named Herman Tweeting the entire game; Botta-Boom, Botta-Bing!

Along with Americre’ the Beautiful being performed by a piano playin’ Chicken named Jokgu’ from America’s Got Talent; Cock-a-Doolittle-Do! As the lead announcer proclaimed while the NFL’s Tuh-Duh-duh intro theme musak played: Ready, Set, Drool!

Video: Jokgu of The Flocksters - Piano Playing Chicken

As seriously, I seem to take some small sort of pride in being one of the few Americans NOT Drooling the entire day long over some Bone-jarring Rockem-sockem’ paralyzing Foote ball, Hike-Hike Omaha!

Why NFL Protest still Matters

→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football

Nice Guy’s Do finish First…

January 21st, 2018 · No Comments

Although they don’t always get the publicity they deserve, as it’s pretty funny how I simply totally ignored “My Team” this past Regular Season ‘O Pigskin Games…

Author’s Note
This story was originally intended to be published on Sportyblog the week prior to the most excruciating Super Bowl 49, which the entire universe still knows about the DUMBEST play ever! Which the fervent 12S’ still mash their teeth over two Super Bowl’s later, or is it three? Crickets…

Yet Due to Sportyblog’s server being Decommissioned Wayback in early 2015, the story wasn’t published, and has been bobbing round thou Seas ‘O Sportyblog Stories in Uh Bottle in thou Pacific Ocean ever since…

Sportyblog Thaws out after Seahawks Miracle Bowl Playoff Win, then Stumbles thru 2016 Football Playoffs

Thanxs to the good fortune of Santa, once again your Senior Sportyblog Scribe “Touchdown Tommy” has just returned from the Big Island, nee Hawaii, unfortunately to an overly soggy Pacific Northwest.

Courtesy of what the weather pundits call the “Pineapple Express!” Ironically after basking in the glorious hues of Hawaiian Sand, Surf and Sun live in Kona! (Which is probably getting a ‘Wee bit repetitive for Y’all, since didn’t Santa give him that last year?)

Surfin’ Safari from the Big Island

As all of this B-I-G’ Island conjecture naturally made me think about Yuhs guessed it, professional athletes hailing from the Rainbow state. To which even if he plays for the “enemy;” Hya! Hey us (University of Washington) DAWGS’ only enjoy shredding up “Rubber Duckies,” not being demolished by Oregon year-after-year instead!

although the past two years have been overly enjoyable with the DAWGS’ resurgence, along with kicking the once mighty Oregon Ducks tail feathers!

Yet I did indeed hope Oregon would be successful in becoming the national champions! Even going so far as to listen via my ‘lil transistor radio to that Oh So Enjoyable 59-20 Smack-down over Florida State at the Rose Bowl!

But alas, unfortunately, Y’all know that Mariota & The Ducks got roasted by the Ohio State Buckeyes 42-20 in the first ever National Championship playoff game

Obviously a Gynormous part of Oregon’s success was due to their excellent QB Marcus Mariota, who hails from Honolulu, Hawaii; SHUHZAMM! Nice connection, eh?

As Oregon was the first Division I school to spot the burgeoning talents of Mariota, when the two star High School athlete Marcus participated in an Oregon Football Camp in 2010, where he was first spotted by the team’s then Offensive Coordinator Mark Helfrich, who subsequently went to Hawaii to further evaluate this college prospect, which led to then Oregon coach Chip Kelly offering Mariota a scholarship prior to playing a single High School varsity game! As now, apparently Mariota’s only flaw is having been critiqued for potentially being too nice?

Is Mariota too nice?

While Y’all know how Marcus cleaned house in the Awards department a few winter’s ago, when he was the runaway winner of the vaunted Heisman trophy! Along with three other prestigious collegiate awards.

Thus surely Mariota would be NFL bound that April in 2015 when the draft was held Righto? Although as usual, I ARSE-Sumed incorrectly that Tampa Bay would take him first ahead of “MY” lowly Titans, who pick second. As perhaps Jameis Winston would don the Titans “2-tone” blue for the 2015 NFL regular season?

False Start TD Tommy!

And obviously, once again I had visions ‘O Hawaii already on my mind, just prior to “Turkey-Lurkey” Day, (Thanksgiving, 2014) since whilst listening to the Seattle Sounders FC v LA Galaxy MLS Western Conference Finals first leg match in La-La Land, before they became MLS Champions!

I heard ex-Sounders FC Goalkeeper Kasey Keller mention how “The Hawaiian” had gotten away with his “third-third final warning” for receiving his second yellow card of the match after his brute force defending, especially vs. Galaxy Striker Robby Keene, who was named Major League Soccer’s MVP that season, long ago.

Huh? Didn’t know we had a Hawaiian on our “Rave Green” roster, which led me to promptly search Zed Internetz, which revealed a possible 14 candidates including Messer Zach Scott. (Who’s since retired)

As even funnier yet; isn’t it ironic? The name Brian Ching made the list of Hawaiian soccer players, as I know of the local talent from Gonzaga University. Especially since he was the scourge of the Sounders FC crushing 2009 MLS Playoffs loss vs. the Houston Dynamo!

As it’s a ‘Wee bit foggy now, but I still remember vividly being “Gutted” after Ching’s lone series goal sent Houston through to the next round after both teams had gone scoreless in 180-minutes! As I recall Ching’s dagger being scored in the 186th minute, but then again that was some five-plus years ago - when I began writing this…

And lastly, Y’all can check out my slightly dated Sportyblog yarn, which keeps drifting further away time wise - upon the Hawaiian Islands claim to fame in professional sports in;

Have you heard of these Hawaiian athletes?

As apologies to Max Unger! Who When I began this way-way-Wayback ago, was featured prominently in the Lilliputian local “Fish-wrap,” the West Hawaii Today newspaper. As I’d totally overlooked our then Seattle Seahawks All-Pro center who hails from Kailua-Kona,, Hawaii; OOPS!

As Unger, who then was 28, was one of three remaining Seahawks holdovers from the pre “Mr. Excitement” (Pete Carroll) era before being shipped to Nawlins’ for some Tight End named Jimmy Graham, whom after his just completed third season with the Hawks is a Free Agent, and Scuttlebutt suggests he’ll be moving on…

Whilst I think Unger’s going to the playoffs shortly, snapping the ball to some Saints Dude they call The Breeze!

And then there’s this Hooska-Dooska’ Kicker named Steven Hauschka, who’s going to the Pro Bowl as an Alternate? Uhm, Hang On, Buffalo’s in the Playoffs and Seattle’s still trying to get past it’s Blair Walsh Project Hangover!

Not to mention how now the Seattle Mariners have become the Professional Sports Franchise with currently the longest streak of not making the Playoffs - at 16 years…

Yet Seattle’s already at it again; SHIT! Now they’re angling to get rid of punter John Ryan ’cause he’s too “Expensive;” WTF! Like didn’t we just see that movie with Mr. It’s Wide Right Blair Walsh?

And ironically, I believe that Ryan’s the lone remaining Seahawk to have been on the roster before Pete Carroll came to town.

Hang 10 and Better Luck next year Hawks’

Catching a Wave, or more likely Air! I once again Piquadellied’ this languishing story last spring, when I somehow’ Accidently heard that the NFL had released the 2017-18 Regular season and Gasp; Playoffs schedule? Since I’d typed 2017-18 here, before wiping out on another wave; Hya!

As apparently this happened Wayback on April 20th and for humour, I decided to check out my local club’s schedule, which if Y’all haven’t figured out by now, is the Tennessee Titans; but I digress…

As El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy is such a fervent Pigskin fan, that I was absolutely Stunned to discover that Marcus Mariota had broken his leg during last year’s (2016) regular season; Huh?

And I didn’t pay any Attenzione to Thy Titans ’til some Week 3 game, Y’all know when Seattle traveled to Nashville and lost 33-27 to Tennessee!

Then going long, with Marcus airing it out for TD Tommy; OOPS, Butterfingers; Hya! Amazingly the Titans made the NFL Playoffs for the first time since ‘08 when Mariota led Tennessee to a 15-10 W’ over Jacksonville, and will play the Kansas City Chiefs next.

Meanwhile, once again, (as you’ve undoubtedly noticed…) there won’t be any Hard Hitting’ NFL Playoffs reporting from Touchdown Tommy per tipicali, since I’ll Karmically be somewheres’ upon thou Oregonian Trail, and hence won’t get to witness Mariota’s Debutante NFL Playoff’s Game.

As how strange, that NOBODY’s said Congrats to Mwah! As Mr. Sporty’s Hawks already cleaned out their lockers. And Ditto for Sportyblog’s Artiste Dave’s Cardinals. Chirp-Chirp; Bueller?

While isn’t It Ironic that Mariota took the No. 8 Jersey, which was previously worn by the Titans QB he ultimately replaced, the since retired Jake Locker, who played for the University of Washington Huskies…


→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football

Santa Throwing Snowballs, strikes Out Seattle’s Sports Teams over a Wintery Weekend…

December 31st, 2017 · No Comments

Ah, just like ‘Ol St Nick, who’s busy loading up his sleigh, and don’t forget Rudolf Santa! Your El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Tomaso has been busy whiling’ thou days away…

By now Y’all know that the Japanese Baseball player denoted as the Japanese “Babe Ruth,” aka Shohei Ohtani, has signed with the Gasp! Los Angeles Angels.


As the first Santa Fastball 99-miler-per-hour strike was thrown directly at Seattle’s Mariners! As apparently part of Ohtani’s desires to not play in Seattle was the immediate comparisons that would be made between him and future MLB Hall of Famer ichiro Suzuki.

Angels introduce Japanese Star Shohei Ohtani, their prized signing

As the News of Shohei’s choice in the Ohtani Sweepstakes was announced Friday morning, Dec 8th, with the next stop upon Santa’s Snowballs escapade appropriately being Up North Eh!

As Toronto’s BMO Field was the next Port ‘O Call the following day, where the defending 2016 MLS Champion Seattle Sounders FC were pitted in a rematch for this year’s title vs. Toronto FC, Saturday, December 9th.


Although I have NO idea if it made any difference or not? I cannot help thinking that Roman Torres re-enactment of his Sudden Death Shootout Winning Goal during the morning’s final training session on Toronto’s home pitch - prior to the MLS Cup motivated Toronto even further?

As Toronto FC’s Head Coach was vindicated for making his team’s last minute formation change to a classic 4-4-2 vs. Seattle, which many pundits questioned prior to Kickoff.

And the Sounders FC were completely outplayed the entire match, whilst Thar local radio’s Colour Commentator Casey Keller, the team’s original Goalkeeper, who’s definitely not a Seattle Apologist! Mockingly noted at the 30-minute mark how Seattle had finally taken their first shot on goal! Which was more than last year’s entire MLS Cup. Although Toronto thrashed the Rave Green with twelve shots taken on Stefan Fry vs. Seattle’s measly one during the games opening 45mins.

As I wistfully opined during halftime that it would need to be Clint Dempsey scoring once to give Seattle an unexpected One-Nil victory, which as we all know, wasn’t destined to happen.

Instead it was one of Dempsey’s U.S. Men’s National Team (USMNT) team-mates, who I’ve adorned as Josie The Pussycat; Meow! As Jozy Altidore craftily shot the go-ahead goal over a lunging Fry to put Toronto ahead One-Nil in the game’s 67th minute.

And the rest as they say is History, as Toronto’s Cherry on top exclamation point was made with a second goal being scored in the 94th minute of the game, during the additional Stoppage time added, giving Toronto FC, the year’s best Major League Soccer Club, with an impressive 20-5-9 record an emphatic Two-Nil MLS Cup victory.

This time the Better Team Won, and Seattle knows it


Then on Sunday, December 10th, ‘Ol Santa completed the Inning by making the once mighty Seattle Seahawks go WHOOPH! As Seattle just never was quite in the game on the road vs. the Jacksonville Jaguars, eventually losing 30-24, albeit in a game far closer than the following week’s Humiliation at Home!

Y’all know, when the once lowly “Lambs” came to town and totally dismantled Seattle! As I begrudgingly listened until halftime, with the LA Rams trouncing Seattle 34-0!

And then in Thy Bestest ‘Ol Dandy Don (Meredith) impersonation, I turned Off the Radio, since the Hawks’ Party was Definitely Over! As Seattle would go onto lose an unthinkable 42-7, being Blown-out at Home NO less, where the usually raucous 12s’, known for their Deafening knack of causing opposing teams to jump Offside’s and being flagged for false starts due to noise, sat absolutely Stunned!

And that’s before Seattle travels to Dallas to face Dem Kuh-boyz’, as it’s doubtful the Seahawks will beat the Cowboys at Jerry’s Palace, as I don’t think Santa’s leaving any NFL Playoff games in Seattle’s Stockings!

As the Hawks need to win twice, have the Rams lose twice. The Miami Dolphins swim upstream, Buffalo get blanked in a Snowstorm. The Browns win a game and Tennessee defeat the Colts; Whale’ that last one’s not too difficult, eh?

But then again if the Hawks get into a Kicking game vs. Arizona, I’m pretty certain the Cardinals gots’ the better kicker; YOWSA! But just ask the Titans ’bout Arizona’s kicker, whilst Seattle’s got The Blair Walsh Project!

Meanwhile, hopefully ‘Ol Santa will be kinder to the DAWGS’, as the University of Washington Huskies will travel to The Valley of the Sun to play the Penn State Nitny Lions, who were once coached by the legendary Joe Paterno, in this year’s Fiesta Bowl in Glendale, AZ, at the Cardinals home stadium…


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