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Oh-Oh’ and X’s, How to Not watch Football!

February 27th, 2020 · No Comments

So much for Singing Ye Holiday Songs, as many out Thar in Americre’ were vainly Roasting Chestnuts instead, foaming over Colin Kaepernick’s Demise; Err NFL Tryout and whether or not the ex-San Francisco 49ers Quarterback torpedoed his final chance to perhaps, once again play professional Football, El Correctomundo?

Colin Kaepernick is the Black Grinch for those who Wish for A White America

As I was originally gonna title this riveting Sportyblog story Will Colin Kaepernick Steal Christmas? But Y’all know how Mr. Sporty runs a tight ship here, Chirp-Chirp, Bueller? Which is more than I can say for Nary a Peep ’bout Kaepernick being mentioned during the Super Bowl coverage, El Correctomundo?

And it’s funny how it seems so long ago when I tried so very little to follow the progress of those Seattle Seahawks playing at a Semi-frigid Lambeau Field vs. the Green Bay Packers in Thar Jan 12th NFC Divisional Playoff Game, since every time I tried Tunin-in’, Yep, Yuhs guessed it, Frillin’ Commercials!

As this immediately made me think of what NBC stands for: Nothing But Commercials! As I think it was ABC, nee Another Bad Commercial which began these Oh So Clever Denunciations, Eh? For which I’ve come up with the following for CBS = Commercials Being Shown, and FOX = Focused On Interruptions; Hut-Hut, Omaha!

Since every time after what felt like 5mins ‘O Commercial; URGH! Seattle was still behind by 11-points, so think I’ll cue up Good ‘Ol Dandy Don’s Turn Out Thee Lights Song!

Yet regarding My long Derided Tennessee Titans, Oh Henry, Baby! The first time I tried this vicarious Football Voyeurism’ Ye Titans were leading the New England Patriots 14-13 at Halftime and I couldn’t Stands’ It! So Off went Ye Telie’ and Viola, I was pleasantly surprised later that evening when listening to thou News via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service.

Then for the Titans next opponent, the No. 1 Seeded Baltimore Ravens, I didn’t even bother trying to check for a score, since surely; Hey Don’t Call Me Shirley; Hya! Uhm, certainly the Ravens would crush Tennessee. And then I simply broke out in Gynormous’ laughter when late at night I finally Dropped into my Newsline service to be Dumbfounded over the Titans Defeating the Ravens, Unbelievable!

Then against my better judgement, I decided to watch Tennessee against that Mighty Pigskin Team from Thee Other Kansas! Whale’ Otay, I watched up to the end of the third Quarter when it was quite apparent the Titans run was over. As I’d later tell Mr. Sporty’ when he asked me what happened to My Titans? I replied that Kansas City Beat ‘em at Thar own game, i.e.; Chiefs ran the Ball against them…

Hmm? Any pattern apparent here? Although I’m definitely not as Superstitious as some Diehard Nashvillians’ are; Hya! Like Ooh Dude, What’s That Smell?

The Silly Ritual of being Very Superstitious

And originally I wasn’t even planning upon Droppin in for this year’s Halftime Show, since I’m Definitely Not Thar Target Audience; Yikes!

Since the last super Bowl Halftime Show I cared ’bout watching; Err listening to was Lady Gaga’s excellent performance during Super Bowl LI in 2017, when unfortunately the Atlanta Hawks, Ah, Uhm, I meant Falcons Choked vs. Tom Thumbs’ Patriots; URGH!

But then the night before thou Big Game, Jeannie asked me, you are coming over to watch Super Bowl right? Uhm, Otay! Especially since I’ll get to have some more Lap-time’ with Pixie-the-Wonderdog; WUF-WUF!

And then when making lunch when there’s Football Ad Nausea All Day long… Hey, I can tune-in the Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl instead; Yeah, that’s Duh Ticket WUF-WUF!

Yet by shear accident, or was it Lady Luck? Meow-Meow? The Puppy Bowl Halftime Show featuring Felines Jennifer Purrlopez’ and KatSira’ was on, with the latter having a Wardrobe Malfunction - but The Show Must G-O On!

As the voice-over Announcer said it’s Clawsome; BOO, HISS, MEOW; Hya! Noting how Dem Kitties were really Clawing It Up, I KittyCatz’ Yuhs Not; GROAN! As that was All I could stand of that, Meow-Meow!

As it was a Rough Crowd, since Jonathan’s and Beverlee’s favourite NFL Team is those irascible San Fran 49ers, for which I’ve now come to Ah-callin’ Farty Whiners instead! As I was the only person rootin’ for Kansas City, and several times during the game, your Humble Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy was threatened He’d be Walking Home buster!

Yet the funniest part of the whole Super Bowl LIV game was how I totally missed how KC inexplicably took the lead before Toasting San Francisco! As we’d begun talking Turkey; Err Sports with The Boyz’, as Trae had won an Awesome Sports memorabilia package the evening before at the Crab Crack’s Charity’s Silent Auction.

As Trae was the winning bidder for a Combo-package that included a Framed Portland Trailblazers pennant signed by the entire 2019 Team, a University of Oregon Ducks Football signed by the Head Coach after their Rose Bowl victory, and a matching OSU Beavers Pigskin, also signed by its coach?

Plus four tickets to a Eugene Emeralds Baseball game, who I’ve just learned are the Chicago Cubs Class A Affiliate. Whilst cannot remember if Thar were more Sports tickets thrown in? And another Football signed by the entire Florence High School team.

As Jonathan announced to Mwah that the Chiefs had just scored a touchdown, making it 49ers 20, KC 17 in the 4th Quarter. But I was busy Kibitzing with Trae over Damian Lillard,
the only Trailblazers player’s name I currently know, Thanxs solely to Mr. Sporty having informed me ’bout him during my latest visit to Arizona…

As Trae said that was what he wanted most out of this package, Damion’s autograph - before telling me how he was currently going Off on a Scoring Streak of 50+ games.

And then outta the side ‘O my Noggin’; Err Ear, I heard Somme-thun’ about how KC’s Magic Man had thrown successfully against Uncle Sherm’, Huh? Boo Hoo-Hoo Richard Sherman!

As I said to Jonathan San Francisco should still have the ball. Nope we went Three ‘N Out; OMG! Touchdown Baby! As Patrick Mahomes lit up the 49ers and KC went ahead 24-20, HURRAH!

As I tried to make sure I wasn’t walking home by calmly saying that San Fran had loads of time to march down the field and score a winning TD; THUD! And then Beverlee was Yelling at Ye Telescreen that he was Out of Bounds when Kansas City romped down the Sideline for a Crushing 38yd TD! Before the replay clearly showed he wasn’t out of bounds; so Sorry! Chirp-Chirp, Crickets!

As it went very quiet and All I heard was ready to go home Touchdown Tommy? Which was fine with me since Kansas City had W-O-N! Whilst I haven’t heard a word from ‘Ol Chef C-Radd whom previously emailed Mwah ’bout how the Seahawks Choked vs. his Farty Whiners at Der Clink’, nee Century Link Field Wayback on Dec 29th…

While I wasn’t surprised One-iota’, it did make me Burst Out in spontaneous laughter when listening to The Guardian’s Sports Section later that evening.

Over what Thee Late Show’s Steven Cobert would later Deadpan It’s called the Show Me State since Yuhs need to show me where Kansas City is located in Missouri!

Trump Congratulates Wrong State for Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Win

And then the Hits just kept Ah-Comin’, when hearing the News ’bout how the Kansas City Coppers’ gave Chase to some Would-be Thief’s on the Super Bowl Parade route as a Warm-up Demonstration for many Chilly Bystanders; Aye Karumba!

Police Chase on Super Bowl Parade route

Tags: Misc · NFL Football · Uncategorized


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