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Coach Coach, On the Wall, who will Fair the Best of All in 2013?

April 24th, 2013 · No Comments

So now that it’s all over and another year of football has passed us by - with the Baltimore Ravens being victorious in Superbowl XL VII, what will Y’all do now, whilst you’re pining for the National Football League resuming play? As I suppose the next big thing will be the upcoming draft, right? (April 25-27)

And as we all know, what’s now become known as “Black Monday,” this past season’s recipients included eight Head Coaches - a quarter of the league plus five General Managers that I’m aware of being told to hand in their playbooks the day after 2012 regular season play ended.

Thus its somewhat funny to be putting this story to bed as the ‘lil transistor radio I listen to is blaring out an advertisement for the University of Washington Huskies returning to tradition at its newly renovated Husky Stadium on the shores of Lake Washington for the forthcoming fall college pigskin season…

Nevertheless, leading the honour roll of dismissed coaches was Philadelphia Eagles (4-12) Andy Reed with the most surprising firing being the Chicago Bears (10-6) Lovie Smith.

Other floundering NfL Franchises promptly followed suit, loosely in the following order: the Buffalo Bills (6-10) sacked Chan Gailey after three losing seasons. The Kansas City chiefs (2-14) took no pity upon embattled Head Coach Romeo Crennel who surely suffered the most traumatic season with the murder-suicide involving Linebacker Jovan Belcher.

The Jacksonville Jaguars, (2-14) who tied for the worst record in the league, fired first year coach Mike Mularkey, while the Cleveland Browns (5-11) dumped Pat Shurmur.

The Arizona Cardinals (5-11) wasted no time in jettisoning Ken Whisenhunt, the Franchise’s only coach to ever take them to the Superbowl with the San Diego Chargers (7-9) bringing up the rear by tossing Norv Turner after a bumpy few years as its head coach…

Thus, here’s a very quick perusal of the head coaching vacancies, since having been filled and their relative position in this year’s upcoming draft along with the entire first round rankings prior to any trade shenanigans…

No. 1 Overall: Kansas City Chiefs
Longtime Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reed landed firmly upon his feet by promptly being hired as the ‘Chefs next savior of its revolving door coaching carousel, as Reed should hopefully be able to improve upon the dismal 2-14 record, as I have NO idea what their draft priority is, since surely the whole team needs improving…

No. 2: Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville lured Seattle Seahawks Defensive Coordinator Gus Bradley to become its new head coach after the Seahawks impressive 11-5 romp with its fierce defense, as Bradley will look to turn around the anemic KittyCatz back into stalking Jaguars.

(No. 3, Oakland Raiders; 4-12)

No. 4: Philadelphia Eagles
As we all know, after Oregon’s Chip “I wanna National title” Kelly will he, won’t he stay as Head Coach of the Pac 12 Ducks ultimately saw the 49-year old college offensive whiz take the Eagles head coaching vacancy. With Philly now having enticed Mikey “Woof-Woof” Vick to restructure his contract and return for a further year’s pay, along with battling for the undecided starting Quarterback position vs. Nick Foles, I’m guessing that the Eagles will look to fill some other glaring hole with its No. 4 pick. As speaking of pick’s, it looks like Kelly picked a good time to pull a Pete Carroll and turn pro as his Alma Mater’s Mighty Ducks appear to be headed for a raft of NCAA sanctions…

(No. 5, Detroit Lions; 4-12)

No. 6: Cleveland Browns
Cleveland took the brash decision of hiring a rookie head coach in selecting previous Carolina Panthers Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski to the veritable revolving door position, as he’s simply hoping to stop the Browns losing tradition.

No. 7: Arizona Cardinals
Arizona has chosen the Indianapolis Colts Offensive Coordinator and temporary Head Coach Bruce Ariansto fill the once mighty shoes of Ken Whisenhunt, as surely the Bidwell’s are banking on arians to continue his winning ways after effectively guiding the Colts back to the playoffs last season, albeit I’m guessing somebody named Andrew Luck played a role in that?

Yet surely All Pro Wide Receiver Larry Fitzgerald must be relieved over the ‘Cards having traded for Oakland Raiders QB Carson Palmer to the starting slot after having attempted to catch passes from four different signal callers last year…

No. 8: Buffalo Bills
Buffalo has hired rookie Head Coach Doug Maroni away from Syracuse University to turn around the woefully underperforming bills, who I recall, getting shellacked by Russell Wilson and the Seattle Seahawks late last season…

(No. 9, New York Jets; 6-10)
(No. 10, Tennessee Titans; 6-10)

No. 11: San Diego Chargers
San Diego is apparently trying to put some spark back into their lightning bolts by having selected Denver Broncos Offensive Coordinator Mike McCoy to become its new head coach - as McCoy was instrumental in Kyle Horton’s turnaround in Denver before some guy named Peyton came to town and thus the Chargers will be hoping he can work his magic in revitalizing Phillip Rivers sagging ship…

(No. 12, Miami Dolphins; 7-9)
(No. 13, Tampa Bay Buccaneers; 7-9)
(No. 14, Carolina Panthers); 7-9
(No. 15, New Orleans Saints; 7-9)
(No. 16, St Louis Rams; 7-8-1)
(No. 17, Pittsburg Steelers; 8-8)
(No. 18, Dallas Cowboys; 8-8)
(No. 19, New York Giants; 9-7)

No. 20: Chicago Bears
Chicago has gone completely outside of the box; Err country when obtaining its new head signal caller from Up North Eh! As the Bears chose Marc Trestman of the Canadian Football League’s Montreal Alouettes, who he led to consecutive Grey Cup titles - as apparently Jay Cutler and Crew weren’t used to having a head coach running up ‘N down the sidelines frantically during Mini-Camp to make his point clear vs. the laid back Lovie Smith style. Hey, may be it has something to do with trying to keep warm on Montreal’s frigid sidelines, eh?

(No. 21, Cincinnati Bengals; 10-6)
(No. 22, St Louis Rams from Washington Redskins; 10-6)
(No. 23, Minnesota Vikings; 10-6)
(No. 24, Indianapolis Colts; 11-5)
(No. 25, Seattle Seahawks; 11-5)
(No. 26, Green Bay Packers; 11-5)
(No. 27, Houston Texans 12-4)
(No. 28, Denver Broncos; 13-3)
(No. 29, New England Patriots; 12-4)
(No. 30, Atlanta Falcons; 13-3)
(No. 31, San Francisco 49ers; 11-4-1)
(No. 32, Baltimore Ravens; 10-6)

Rankings are made in descending order of season accomplishments with reigning Superbowl Champions going last, followed by Superbowl loser and corresponding Division Champions and Wildcard playoff teams and then regular season records. In cases of ties, the league reverts to its strength-of-season formula, which can further be decided by division records and ultimately a coin toss…
(First round Draft order source;

Tags: NFL Football

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