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Trumping The Easter bunny…

April 19th, 2019 · No Comments

Is it over Thar? Nope, may be it’s over Thar? Uhm, may be behind that log? Down that Hill or over that Sand Dune?

So what does our GURR-REAT President and the Easter Bunny have in common? Well they’re both really good at laying eggs! Although I’m pretty sure that the Easter Bunny’s trying to make it not too Hard to find his…

FOUR!

Whilst Bravo Donald! You’ve simply managed to outdo yourself this time. Oopsadaisy, Butterfingers! Better take a Mulligan on that one Mr. President!

What’s that? You’ve already used your Mulligan on the first Hole? And now you cannot find your Balls? Uhm, aren’t you playing with a No. 1 titlist? And how many Golf Club Championships did you say you’ve won again? Uhm, Mr. President, haven’t you heard of Pinocchio?

And did you really call two Ticky Tack Fouls against a 15yr old Teenager you were playing for one of your perceived Golfing Tourney’ Titles? And then after mocking said teenager, ended up losing to him on the second Shootout Hole?

Commander in Chief: Donald Trump’s 18 Golf Tournament Wins Examined

Or perhaps after Y’all have finished biting the ears off those Chocolate Bunnies, Mmmm-Mmmm, Sprinkles… you’ll wanna relive the time when Thee Donald was just a Punk’ in “Jawsey City” and trying to acquire an NFL Franchise on the Cheap, when he was the owner of the New Jersey Generals…

When the long forgotten USFL New Jersey Generals Owner was jus A Punk’

Since isn’t the Nat’l Football Leagues Draft just round the corner? And which teams will be laying rotten eggs with their Draft Picks?

Hey look over Thar Mr. President, isn’t that your Golf Ball? Right there. Nope, it’s an Easter Egg, Uhm I love Easter Eggs, and Bunnies!

Bon Appétit!

→ No CommentsTags: Golf · Misc · NFL Football · Uncategorized

Has Seattle Finally Solved it’s Kicking Woes?

March 26th, 2019 · No Comments

Ahoy Sports Fans, it’s me El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy once again, having Dropped thou proverbial Ball; Butterfingers!

As let’s see, what excuse haven’t I used lately? Thee Dog Ate My Story? Uhm, that Bright Thingy’ in the Sky got’s in my Eyes and Made Me, Uhm Shank thou Story to the right; Oh Never Mind!

As I’ve just spent the past Six Days in a virtual RaceAthon’, My own “March Madness,” which I just thought of when hearing another of that Lame Arse “It’s Kia Madness, Baby!” commercial for a local Kuh-Kuh-Kuh-Kia Dealership…

as “Real” Motor Racing, nee NOT RASSCAR’ has begun in earnest. Having partaken the IndyCar season opener at St Pete March 10th. Followed by Super Sebring Sports Car Weekend March 15-16, with the 1,000 miles or 8hrs, whichever comes first FIA World Endurance Championship the day before IMSA’s 67th running of the iconic 12 Hours of Sebring.

Whilst thou Nightcap to this three nights in-a-row was taking place Down Under Mates, in Bloody OZ’, in Melbourne where Formula 1 was ensconced in the season opening Australian Grand Prix!

Crikeys Mates! Yuhs didn’t think I was gonna skip Prattlin’ on ’bout some Auto Racing Did Yuhs? But see how that works? As I actually paid miniscule Attenzione to Dick Dudley’s uh-Kuh-Kuh-Kia commercial for Kiefer Kia in Oregon, Baby!

Racing Nirvana: 12 Announcers, Four Series, 24 Hours and Six Days…

But back to our regular programming, Eh? As Many Moons ago, Hey, did Y’all S-E-E the latest “Super Moon” occurring on the first Day ‘O Spring, March 20th? As the Vernal equinox is on the 20th this year apparently, All Yuhs Weather Hoonds; Hya!

AnyHoo, Wayback when I heard that that incorrigible NFL Kicker Cody Bing-Bing-Bing, Ricochet Rabbit!” Parkey,Parquay? Butter! Was being let go by Duh Bearz’, I immediately thought, Oh? Perhaps the Seahawks should snap him up!

Bears Officially Cut Cody Parkey

Since even though I Don’t Follow Football very closely anymores’, Did somebody say S’Mores? Hya! Nevertheless, I’m still Mad at Seattle for giving Stephen Hooska-Dooska’ Hauschka the Boot!

Having opted for Thee Blair Witch Project instead, the Hawks followed up with signing Stan-the-Man Janacowski, or was it Stan Getz? Well, Stan gotz’ a pulled muskle’ in the Hawks final game last year, leaving Seattle without a Kicker; YOWCH!

Yet it’s somewhat Funny, Ha-Ha? That Seattle’s now on its third Pro Bowl Kicker in the last three seasons. (
Blair Walsh: 2012, Sebastian Janikowski: 2011 and Jason Myers: 2018)

Whilst Messer Parkey’s also a former Pro Bowl selection. So what does that say ’bout the Pro Bowl?

And did I read that right? As think the Seattle Post Intelligencer’s article claims that the Seahawks newest Kicker Jason Myers contract is for $15.45m, as in Millions over four years, which is certainly more than Seattle Baulked Over paying Hauschka before he departed to Buffalo!

Seahawks Sign Pro Bowl Kicker Jason Myers to Multi-year Deal

Alas, now that Seattle’s apparently solved it’s Place Kicker issues, I suppose we can return to making fun of Parkey’s misfortunes? Although like the Chicago Brew Pub’s Cody Parkey Challenge proved. When 101 contestants missed making a similar distance Field Goal as Parkey’s Double Bouncer in the Playoffs…

Just think of how many hundreds, or more likely thousands? Attempt to become Starting National Football League Place Kickers. Which means Parkey can’t be all that Bad, being one of only 32 players making the cut! And obviously the NY Jets now have an opening. Then again, Cody could always try the Pat McAfee Show Biz’ route, Righto?

→ No CommentsTags: Formula One Racing · Indy Car Racing · Misc · Nascar · NFL Football · Uncategorized

Super Bowls: From Roman Numerals to Turnin’ left some 800 Odd times…

February 21st, 2019 · No Comments

Yeah, it’s me again, El Senor Sportyblog Scribe and Football Procastinator’ Touchdown Tommy here… With some more overly insightful Football lowdown; Hut-Hut, Omaha!

Oopsadaisy, Butterfingers! That’s’s el Correctomundo Kiddies’, I Didn’t watch duh Soupier doupier Bowl this year, or last. Or the year before…

As the last Super Bowl I can remember watching in its entirety, ended with that Uber Agonizing Seachickenz’ 4th-and-1 Goal-line BLUNDER Wayback during Super Bowl XLIX in 2015! As We Luvs’ Yuhs Darrell Bevell!

And haven’t even Dropped-in for some riveting Halftime Show’s entertainment since Lady Gaga’s 2017 performance during Super Bowl Li.

Which I enjoyed far more than Super Bowl 50’s Halftime Show featuring Coldplay with Biance ‘N Bruno Mars, which I vaguely recall being fairly Lame, albeit reportedly not nearly as LAME as this year’s Halftime show, Righto?

Since I missed All of Duh consternation over Vanilla five’s lead singer Wardrobe Malfunction…

But first I probably should acknowledge that I misspelled Patrick Mahoney’s name previously on Sportyblog. Uh, You say Mahoney, I say Majkowski…

As in former Green Bay Packers QB Don Majkowski, thou original “Majik Man,” whom I believe I Drafted for one of my few Fantasy Football Teams Wayback when? Uhm, could it have been the late 1980’s or early 1990’s? And All of this Magic’ talk’s making me think of a Pacific Northwest Band named Heart and one of their biggest Hit songs; But I Digress…

VIDEO: Heart’s Magic Man Song

Hence, Congrats to Kansas city Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahone, who’s consolation prize was being named the National Football League’s MVP for 2018. Although Arse-sumedly’ Patrick would much rather have been advancing to Super Bowl LIII, Uh Duh!

In typical El Senor Sportyblog Touchdown Tommy fashion, I watched; Err listened to very little of the NFL’s Final Four contestants games, just tinin’ into the L.A Rams v Saints just prior to Halftime for some lunchtime ambiance, for which the Rams were trailing Nawlins’ then, before dashing off to go visit the Goats.

Yep, we’ve got Goats Here in “sunny” Florence, Honest! And Thar names are Gawd Damn Harry & Ellie May; BBBAAAHHH…

Later that evening, I couldn’t stands itz Nomores’; Uhm, did someone say S’Mores? Hya! And tuned in for the fourth quarter of KC vs. those Dastardly Patriots, and was amazed over the Ariel Slugfest Tommy Terrorific’ and Pat “Magic Man 2.0″ Mahone were having.

Although naturally I was quite Disappointed over Brady & Co. marching down the field to victory on the very first drive of Overtime; SHIT!

As apparently there was almost as much noise being made over Tony Romo’s “Clairvoyant” Play Calling from the announce booth vs. The Call! Uhm, some botched, missed Referee’s call impacting Dem’ Saints from Marching on, Eh?

Rise of the TV Rules Analyst Shows NFL has A Problem

Thus, I had Zero interest in watching the super Bowl this year, since all I could come up with was Patriots Suck!

And then stumblin’ into another of the myriad ‘O daily sports stories on the Indianapolis Star that I peruse via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service. I enjoyed listening to an article about IndyCar Driver Simon Pagenaud helping train Pistachio for the upcoming Puppy Bowl!

As Pistachio was the smallest Pooch on the Pitch for Puppy Bowl XV, and I actually got to hear this tiny 4lbs Furr-rocious Maltese in action when I turned on the Animal Planet during Super Bowl Sunday, WUF-WUF!

Pagenaud makes Furry New Friend in Puppy Bowl XV Contender

Not to mention laughing over the Hamsters in the Blimp and the Kangaroo Cheerleaders who didn’t know whom to punch? Whilst Team’s ruff ‘N Fluff were fighting over who’d win another Lambarki Bowl.

Which in case Y’all haven’t noticed, I was far more interested in the Puppy Bowl than this year’s Super Bowl, which apparently had far more scoring than that NFL game did…

Thus, from one GURR-REAT! Americun’ tradition to another, following the completion of Super Bowl, the sport’s landscape transitions to Duh Great American Race, thee Daytona 500, Roundy-rounds’ Super Bowl, when Americre’ turns it’s Attenzione to Daytona Beach, Florida’s High Banks Super Speedway and Stock Car racing.

As a year ago I was scribblin’ about Duh Great Americun’ Race and how the Disco Diva; Err Queen of Motor Racing, Danica Patrick was beginning her Retirement Swan Song with her “Danica Double.”

So, Just How GURR-REAT! Really was this year’s Great American Race?

As the allure ‘O RASSCAR’ has long since eluded Mwah, with about the only race I still hold mild curiosity over being the Season Kickoff DayToner’ 500. Although Thars’ just Somme-thun’ Wrong with it Not having its traditional 43 entries!

As Parker Kligerman, Matt DiBenedetto, B. J. McLeod, Tyler Reddick, Corey LaJoie, Ross Chastain, Chris Buescher, etc. Aren’t exactly Household Names…

Making nearly half of this year’s entry list unknown to Mwah, not to mention NASCAR’s Franchise; Uhm, I meant Charter Teams locking down 36 of the grid’s 40 starting spots, with a paltry 42 contestants total, this Ain’t Your Father’s RASSCAR’; Hya!

As six virtually unknown drivers jostled over the four “Open” Non charter Team’s grid positions, with two unheralded drivers and Thar team’s packing up ‘N goin’ home.

As there’s eight Daytona 500 Winners in this year’s field, including the reigning winner Austin Dillon. With seven NASCAR Series Champions racing at Daytona: Three in Ford’s and Two apiece in Chevy’s and Toyota’s.

As Jimmy Johnson, the racing driver, not Super Bowl winning Coach; Hya! Is the most decorated Driver in the field, as he’s the only Two-times Daytona 500 Winner, along with attempting to win his record 8th NASCAR Championship this year, so Move Over Tom Brady!

SHEEHZ! That’s the Most effort I’ve ever put into learnin’ about the DayToner 500’s current line-up or RASSCAR’ Taxicabland Bomber Pilotes’ contesting Duh GURR-REAT! Race…

Yet in another nod to the changing times, and NASCAR’s Desperation to appease Fans, Manufacturers and most definitely it’s Bottom-line, the race is being paced by Semi-retired Driver ‘lil E’, nee Dale Earnhardt, Jr., whose father was known as “The Intimidator,” although I preferred “Ironhead!”

As Dale Jnr will lead the field to the Green Flag in none other than a PickemUp’ Truck, a Chebbie’ Silverado, which I believe is Roundy-Rounds’ first Pickup Pace Truck? Which surely FOX “Expert Analyst” Mr. Boogity-Boogity-Boogity’, nee ‘Ol DW’, aka Darrell Waltrip will claim is another “First” for RASSCAR’, BARF!

As ‘Ol DW’s got a knack for Championing RASSCAR’, as it’s very Hard to believe this year’s Day Toner’s the 30th Anniversary of when I watched him Doin’ His Icky Shuffle impersonation in Victory lane; YOUCH! As Talk ’bout Datin’ yourself, Eh?

Since actually the Indianapolis 500 has used not one, but two Pace Trucks, for which one ranks as my most Ugly Pace vehicle ever at the Hallowed “Brickyard!” Being the 2002 Oldsmobile Bravado; Err, Uhm I meant Bravada, which Johnny Mellonhead’s former wife Elaine Irwin drove.

Whilst No Fenders Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen tried Flagging Down a Castoff of the other rare Pace Truck a few years ago; But I Digress…

What was that Mysterious vehicle that wouldn’t Stop for us…

As who’ll win this year’s 61st Daytona 500? And more importantly, how many will sit thru the race’s four hours Commercial-fest? Not to mention the 90mins Pre-amble, Eh?

As ‘Ol DW’ will Bark on Sunday afternoon; Boogity-Boogity-Boogity! Let’s Go Racin’ Boys!

YEEHAW!

→ No CommentsTags: Racing · Misc · Nascar · NFL Football · Uncategorized

An Overly “Fair Weather” Football Fans Sidelines View from the Land ‘O 12s’

January 21st, 2019 · No Comments

As Where’s good ‘Ol Peyton “HUT-HUT, OMAHA!” Manning when Yuhs need him, eh?

Think I heard his voice briefly once during thou litany ‘O Commercials during the start of that Do-or-Die Indianapolis Colts v Tennessee Titans Sunday Night Season Finale, before madly scramblin’ to find thou MUTE button; Holding!

And I’m Not predicting this, as your El Senor Sportyblog Scribe Touchdown Tommy tinkles thou ivories whilst most of Yuhs are watchin’ Sunday’s Week 2 Playoffs B-I-G’ Football games, but I think it would be Hilarious to have an All L.A. Super Bowl! Although first Doc’ Rivers has got to vanquish Tommy Terrorific’, nee Tom JACKARSE Brady…

For which when I checked the score via telephone I said DAMN! As it was 41-14 in the 4th Quarter with those Dastardly Patriots Zapping thou Lightning Bolts…

As I’m personally rootin’ for the L.A. Rams vs. KC and it’s Magic Man Patrick Mahoney, making that pronouncement before Sunday’s Chargers-Patriots, Saints v Eagles games.

but Hey Sports Fans, this Dribble’s courtesy of someone who’s watched an entirety of two full NFL Football games this entire season, as guessin’ Yuhs could say I’ve gone 3 ‘N Out again.

As somehow I find the intricacies of, or is it plight? Of being an NFL Kicker more interesting than the actual game itself, but first I’ve got to get this riveting Sportyblog story Down-field far enough for a kick at those Uprights Eh?

Prior to this year’s Playoffs, I watched a total of one National Football League game, a Thursday Night contest no less, featuring the New Orleans Saints vs. those overly Annoying Kuh-Boyz’, nee Dallas Cowboys. As I’m so happy they’re eliminated from the Playoffs after Thar Showboating Ad Nausea during that game; but I digress…

As Snowbyrd MJ’, a longtime Saints Fan was visiting and it was a comedy ‘O errors trying to find the game, since my television settings had inadvertedly been set to turn selected channels into El Spanol Unbeknownst to Mwah; Ariva-Ariva-Ariva!

Since when the very amiable Spectrum/Charter TV Installer hooked up my television months before, he set it to Descriptive aid setting for the Blind and Visually Impaired, which apparently causes only selected channels, primarily HBO and Showtime to switch to Spanish, Ci!

Not knowing what channel Thursday Night Football was on? We madly scrambled whilst trying avoiding being Sacked! Towards pulling up a television channel guide and trying all of the unlikely places first. CBS Sports? Nope!

NFL Network? Oh Shit it’s in Spanish,! Although we’d have to sit thru five-plus minutes of Commercials in English before hearing the Play-by-Play in Spanish; Huh?

As we howled in laughter before finally finding thou game on FOX, as I recognized Troy “Vanilla” Aikman’s voice on Thy Telie’; CRIKEYS!

That was difficult, not to mention the Saints losing - as I only knew what channel FOX was since I’d needed to know for a University of Washington Football game previously. As I’d vacillated over watchin’ the Apple Cup, before listening to my CD Audiobook instead…

Funny how it’s only two weeks ago, but I cannot remember which came first? Duh Chicken or? Oh yeah it must have been the Colts v titans Sunday Night game. But somehow the laconic droning of Al Michaels and Cragginess ‘O Chris Collinsworth, along with my main man Marcus Mariota being Out again was too much to endure, as I only lasted a single set ‘O Downs before switching my television off in favour of my book instead.

Next, although I’d predicted during Christmas that I was pretty sure that Ohio State would Manhandle my revered DAWGS’ in the Rose Bowl. For which Jonathan enjoys calling the Stuffed Puppies. I was so certain that OSU would trounce UW I’d originally decided to not watch Duh Game, but relented as curiosity got the better of Mwah.

But sadly, I grew overly annoyed by ESPN showing a little Football between outlandish amounts of Commercials! Along with the two announcers sounding like they were calling a Golf Match and Viola! With the Huskies down 14-3 at the end of the 1st Quarter, Yuhs guessed it! I once again switched off in favour of the Ken Follett book I was avidly listening to!

Another Season Comes and Goes, as Pac 12 Struggles to Keep Up

Next, although I’d hoped to listen to “The Voice” of the Seahawks, Steve “TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!” Raible, I’d not perused getting the Internetz’ Click Here/Continue screen figured out, so relied upon the FOX TB Broadcast instead.

as naturally they’d have Troy Aikman in the booth for the Seahawks vs. Cowboys Wildcard Playoff’s at Jerry’s House in Arlington, Texas.

And it’s funny since I’m really not a football Fan, but could come up with the analogy on my own that the Hawks had reverted to Ye ‘Ol Wayback Days of “Ground Chuck!” Run to the Left, run to the Right. Run up the Middle and then Punt!

As that’s what ‘Ol Chuck Knox had a penchant for doing, while it’s ironic that another former Seattle Head Coach, Tom Flores is being considered for Hall of Fame Honours this year.

And although I’m told that the Seahawks Offensive Coordinator Calls were the problem. How much fault should lay at “Mr. Excitement,” nee Pete Carroll’s Doorstep for not over riding Brian Schottenheimer’s Play Calling?

Growing so annoyed over the Seahawks inability to move the pigskin, once again I switched off prior to the end of the 1st Half and therefore missed seeing Steven Whats-his-Name? Err Stan Janakowski? Pull his Groin, Uhm Hamstring on a muffed 57yd Field Goal attempt - leaving the Seahawks without a Kicker the entire second half!

Yo Seattle, Yuhs get’s What Yuhs Paid for! As glad you let Stephen Hooska-Dooska! Hauska amble off to Buffalo in Free Agency, Righto?

And Speakin’ of Kickers, I had to laugh when checking the scores to read that, Whale’, actually listening via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service, about Cody Parkey’s Heartbreak Bing-Bing-Bing, Ricochet Rabbit! Game losing 43yd Field Goal attempt, when the Eagles defeated Duh Bears 16-15.

As Kudos to the Goose Bay Brewery in thee Windy City for good naturedly challenging everybody who thought kicking field goals’ was easy! Challenging all takers to what I thought I heard originally was Free Beer for a Year? If anybody could make a 43yd Field Goal.

For which Thar were over 100 persons who took thou Challenge, going 0-for-101 Attempts! With the Brewery Donating $20,000 dollars to Charity.

Fans go 0 for 101 attempting Cody Parkey Challenge at Chicago brewery

But Hey! Even “The GOAT!” Nee “Greatest of All Time” Kicker’s Adam Vinatieri even misses. Apparently missing what was considered a Chip Shot during the Indianapolis Colts lost to the Kansas City Chiefs at a very Snowy Arrowhead Stadium.

As I even heard the Headline ’bout how somebody was having fun with Vinatieri’s WICKEDPedia’; Err Wikipedia page. Having substituted his picture with that of a Goat; Hya!

Missing Kicks in the Playoffs is Nothing New for Adam Vinatieri

→ No CommentsTags: Misc · NFL Football · College Football · Uncategorized

Sportyblog’s Rousing Rendition of Ye Classic X-Mas Song

December 28th, 2018 · No Comments

Howdy Sports Fans, as I’m just Dashing Off, Did somebody say Dashing? Err Dancer, Prancer and what’s his name Rudolph, Eh? Since I just heard ’bout this lately via The Seattle Times Oddities section, albeit it’s been going on awhile now…

Glowing Antlers Fail, so Farmers try App to Save Reindeer

Sorry ’bout that, as I’m just dispatching the short, Radio Only “singles” version of a ‘lil ditty I scribbled Wayback several years ago here on Sportyblog; HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HUT!

The Twelve Days of Sports - 2014 edition

And following up that year’s Hit rendition is this newly minted smash record’s recording, for which ‘Ol Casey Kasme sez’ is Climbing Up thou “Billboard” Charts; Hya!

Since after all, it’s Duh Commishes favourite Yule Tide glee… Did somebody say hit? Nope, DON’T Yuhs dare punch me Raymond! Err, Kareem, Oh Never Mind Yuhs Bullies!

On the Twelfth Day of SportyMas Roger Goodell said to me;
Football, we DON’T need any STINKIN’ Fooh-Fooh Faux English style Football in Americre’ like that Namby-Pamby English Premiere League, as only Americre’ plays REAL Football here in ’tis great land ‘O thee…

On the Twelfth Day of SportyMas Roger Goodell said to me;
Seahawks Twelfth Man raises the Flag!
Eleven Silver Stanley Cup Winners trophies
Ten Bites ‘O Beef Jerky
Nine NFL Lawsuits
Eight Second Sound Bytes
Seven Prickly Pear Cacti
Six Rams Draft Picks for RG3
Five MLS Cups
Four Overweight Suitcases
Three ‘RASSCAR Roundy-round Championships for Roger Penske
Two Wins for the lowly Raiders is SWEET!
And an Ineligible Personal Conduct policy!

And remember Y’all; Seven foot one inch Shaq can’t sing these Christmas carols any better than Sir Charles; Ho-Ho-Ho!

Although my personal Numero Uno favourite version of Ye classic Christmas Carol; NO! I didn’t call your name Pete! Is that long forgotten Duo of Hosers’ from Up North Eh! Thee Brothers Mackenzie, nee Bob and Doug, as “Take Off Eh!”

VIDEO: Bob & Doug McKenzie’s 12 Days ‘O Christmas Song

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y’ALL!

→ No CommentsTags: Misc


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